sola gratia--the way it is or the way it's gonna be?

sola gratia - grace alone

While my white counts are low and I'm susceptible to infection, I'm staying at my parents' house.  It removes the temptation to do too much with the children or to let down my guard and give our dog a big sloppy wet kiss.  As you can imagine, moving in with my parents after 38 years of life and 10 years of marriage presents some challenges.

Yet it's one of the amazing blessings of this journey to have both my parents working as diligently as they are in caring for me.  Add to that a wonderful mother-in-law who has been watching our 3 children for the past week-and-a-half by herself--and we've got an awful lot to be thankful for.
Now, having gratefully and lovingly acknowledged the work of others on my behalf (and I've only mentioned the top 3), I do have an additional observation: the one not doing a very good job right now is me.  I don't do well depending on others.  I have difficulty making decisions to yield instead of push, to stay instead of go, to ride instead of drive.  And yet those are the decisions I am constantly facing (and making) these days.

At this point, what I think I've learned is that while my professed theology may start from a place of God's grace alone, in reality, I'm pretty much a works-righteousness guy.  How many times have I said in inviting others to the communion table that we come as beggars all--bringing nothing to the table but our empty hands?  And yet, now that my hands have been actually emptied of most meaningful work, and my life has been drained of any responsibility beyond negotiating my next trip to the bathroom, I find myself a poor practitioner of the sola gratia life.

On the one hand, I can blame our Methodist sanctificationist tradition; God's saving acts through Jesus Christ are alone sufficient for our salvation...but for salvation to continue and permeate every part of our lives, it's like we depend on a functioning circulatory system--exercising the salvation helps it spread from our hands to our feet and can even spread it to our neighbors...

So what happens when I'm holed up in bed, unable to accomplish any of those sanctified or sanctifying activities?  I think the hard thing for me is figuring out whether the sola gratia principle makes me feel better--i.e., I'm so glad we're saved by grace alone so that no matter what I can or can't accomplish, Jesus can redeem me and my life; or whether it makes me feel worse, because I realize the extent to which my life to this point has been structured and operated under a philosophy of sola gratia (but not really). The assumptions I've made, the schedule I've structured, the model of church life I've tried to shape.  What would have been different about my life to this point if I had actually given sola gratia a try?

That may be a question I need to address later.  But for now, at this moment in my life, and at this stage of my journey toward health, the only resolution I need is this.  I'm clinging to my well-worn phrases about empty hands getting filled.  And I'm trotting out (even if a little unsteadily) the little bit of Latin I know--sola gratia says all I can or know how to say about my life right now. The grace of parents caring for a grown son.  The grace of a wife who fulfills her vows every day, honoring and keeping her husband in sickness as she has in health.  The grace of a doctor who gives me a cell phone number and tells me to call, whatever the hour.  The grace of a church who keeps being church even while their pastor is away.  These are the signs I need, the outstretched arms and glowing countenances that since Moses have communicated that God's love for us is sheer, unmitigated, uncontrollable, unbelievable grace--sola gratia--words I may one day live by, but right now, they live for me, and fill otherwise empty hands.